Here are reasons why you do not want me to be the first on the scene in an emergency: 1. I'm an optimist. (Seriously... just go with me on this.) It takes me about 3 seconds longer to realize what's going on in crazy situations because I am almost always telling myself things can't be as crazy as they really seem. I am much more likely to assume the best than the worst-- like, No, that lady's not about to jump off the building-- she's probably just looking for her car and wanted a bird's eye view...
2. Blood freaks me out. Not pass-out freak out, but stand and stare and try not to get any on me freak out.
3. I'm easily frustrated by people who can't communicate well. From attitudy Rite Aid cashiers who say things like "youwannabringdacowpawn?" and then glare at me when I seem not to understand their horrific English (even though I actually DO understand-- thank you, two years teaching in Japan,) to the tech support guy for my (insert any electronic device here) who is mad that I don't know where the "sleetchekbuddon" is. I have no patience for this. (PS- I'm not one of those "this is America, everyone speak English" people... I'm just one of those, "if your job-- for which you are PAID-- involves speaking to people, why don't you make a teeny tiny effort to help others understand you?" people.) WELL, it turns out most people involved in some kind of emergency situation are usually not very eloquent at the time, and for some reason I can't get passed this. So, um, you've just stapled your hand to your cubical wall? Your tongue? Wait, I can't understand you with all that screaming.
Sheesh.
This all came to light as yesterday I was rounding a corner of my workplace and found a person in extreme duress. I thought she was just huddled over crying/sobbing-- perhaps someone close to her has just died (again, I'm ever the optimist...) but no, she was actually gasping for air. So there I am, first on the scene, and all I can think to do is say, "Are you OK? HEY! ARE YOU OK?" I make sure to yell it so others will come and be able to help-- and all I can think to do after establishing that she is, indeed, not OK, is start asking questions-- which she can clearly not answer.
So there I am, easing her to the ground before she collapses on her own, and asking her if she has an inhaler or if she has eaten something that may have her going into anaphylactic shock... She's unable to answer, I can only assume, as a non-doctor, because she's freaking out and not breathing well. At this point a small crowd has gathered and is asking her a million more questions and someone has run off to call 911.
So what do I do? I leave to go to the meeting I was on my way to in the first place. Yeah. Classy. Just call me a hero...as I seriously duck and run. (Justification station: The paramedics were on their way and she had about 10 other people around her "helping." I just didn't think there was much more I could do at that point, and, if I were the one struggling to breathe, I'd probably not want 10 people around my face.) So I go to my meeting, but then I realize that there are HR rules to these kinds of things and that someone might need to question me or file my name in some report somewhere.
THEN I think, what if the medics come in through the front door when injured person is closer to the back door? So then I LEAVE my meeting to tell the receptionist to be on the watch for the medics so that they get directed to the most efficient entrance. Then I go back upstairs to tell a crowding helper (i.e. people with souls who don't leave injured people despite their Outlook calendar telling them they have a meeting) that I am going to be in a meeting downstairs, "should anyone need to, you know, contact me... or whatever." Yeah. Again, hero-status all the way.
Arg! I'm soooo lame. Why didn't I stay by injured lady the whole time? Why didn't I try harder to calm her down before her team members approached? Why am I not a certified paramedic? Lameness.
You know who you DO want first on the scene in an emergency? Ian. That dude is hard-core. I have personally seen him react in multiple emergency situations with the speed and accuracy that one can only deem almost inhuman. He's all certified-ocean-lifeguard-boat-captain-boy-scout-McGyver-smartypants. I, on the other hand, am a deer in headlights. I stop and stare and try to convince myself that the emergency situation might not really be the way I've perceived it. Ian doesn't hesitate. He's Johnny-on-the-spot and totally adept at all things first aid. (I'm pretty sure I'd try and talk someone with a broken leg into trying to rub it with chap stick if left to my own devices.)
INJURED: Help! I've fallen into a manhole!
ME: Are you sure?
INJURED: And my leg is broken!
ME: What was that? LEG? Or shleg? Hey, someone call 911 and tell them this guy broke his shleg.
INJURED: And my arm is bleeding!
ME: Uh... I'm going to toss down some Tic Tacs... hold on...
INJURED: I'm so very cold... so very... cold
ME: Um, I'm late for a meeting. Don't die, k?
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So that, in a nutshell, is why you want to be sure we're BOTH invited to your emergency situations. I'll bring the Tic Tacs and tell people to call 911. While Ian saves you.
10 comments:
That situation sounds AWFUL! But I am sure you are better than me (I?) - as a minor hypocondriac, I suddenly need to push them over to give me room because I don't feel so well, either, and, hey, do you smell invisble air toxins and can you take one hand from your closing throat to feel my forehead?
I love this story. All I want to know is: what was wrong with her? This is the person I become in these situations. I want to know the biological details of what is happening to them, then I want to tell stories of other related (or not)situations I have been in that were like (or not like) the one I'm currently in. And I want other people to tell these stories. And I somehow want the suffering party to be put at ease and to think "gee, sounds like I could be a lot worse off."
Totally with you on this one. I want to see everything (including but not limited to blood). But of course I don't DO anything, I just stare...and stare some more. And yes, I'm also one of those people that slams on the brakes if I see an accident on the side of the road...I can't stand people like me! At least you have the decency to offer tic tacs :-)
Well, waiting for the medics is not as glamourous as it may seem. A couple of years ago, I passed a ma on the street who was seizing. I called 911, got a passing by woman to give me a diaper to put under his head while he was banging away, and stayed with him until the EMS arrived in a NY-minute, or was that 30 NY-minutes? Anyway, when they arrived the police were with them and they interrogated me demanding o know what drug he was doing when he started seizing. They didn't seem to believe that I was a stranger. They kept asking me why I stayed until they arrived then. I guess the Good Citizen laws have not been passed in NYC, yet.
I love the photo... is that from when you were in Utah for Christmas? Unless Cali got a freak snow storm...
i'm in love with this story. i've can't stop thinking and chuckling about it.
and ian is awesome. each time we went scuba diving i remember thinking that if something went wrong i'd be sorry that i didn't have ian for my buddy. because ian would save me. and then on the way home from rescuing me and countless others he'd probably find another broken down, abandoned catamaran, fix it up, and in an hour have us all launching off the beach for a pleasant sail.
Tic tacs - I thought you were going Bleeker on me.
This is hilarious. I actually would want you both close by in an emergency...you to tell me jokes and Ian to save me.
I agree with Melissa - you would be great in these situations for comic relief (and tic tacs). And I can't stop laughing at your injured person scenario!
Loved the story, but don't sell yourself too short. A few weeks ago when some of your in-laws were off snowboarding (and me coming across a lady who had fallen, was yelling in pain for a probably broken leg and me just staring at her for a good minute and then moving on to keep looking for my "stolen" snowboard-there were a lot of other people there to help), you were cleaning up after my sick kids. That is totally hero status if you ask me.
Your story was so funny, I just tried to picture you in the moment. You at least stopped and tried right, that counts for something :)
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