Dear Sir or Madam,I am writing this letter in reference to any open positions at your company. I feel I am a good candidate for your organization as I am a hard-working pup, eager to please, with a flair for the fun side of life and a willingness to do what I'm told-- sometimes.
I am an expert low-rider and aptly skilled at lounging around in the sun, sleeping on pillows, chewing my leather chews and playing fetch. My other talents include nostril cleaning, hind-leg balanced begging, eating without chewing, silent farting, yipping obnoxiously when my humans are eating, walking sideways, pooping on the floor and scratching the couch for attention when I purposely, and with stunningly accurate aim, roll my ball under it. I am a great burrower, cuddler and all-around team player (as long as the team includes only humans. I'm not so great with cats. Or bigger dogs. Or smaller dogs. Or fish.)
In my current position I have successfully overseen the training and supervision of two rather stubborn humans. Feeding times, napping, walks on the beach, toy clean up and carpet cleaning are all strictly adhered to, and no one wakes up without a face plant from their favorite boss.
My desire to branch out from my current position as Chief Guard and Executive Napper of my abode is that my humans are requiring I help with the expenses of my new allergy condition. With over $500 in vet bills in the last 2 months, my puffy eyes are not much improved and no one is sure what it is I'm actually allergic to; thus, we have a long road ahead of us in nicely-lit, magazine-clad, furry-floor vet offices and I would like to help out with the costs. If your organization has a medical plan, even better. I would so much like to find a vet that could take my body temperature without having stick anything in my bum.
Please see my enclosed resume and I look forward to hearing from you soon. I am available for hire immediately.
Yours truly,
Cody F. Johnston, PhDog
4 comments:
What does the F stand for? Does he have reasonable rates? He sounds like a great addition to any company - I hope he finds something soon. :o)
Oh, poor Cody! What could it be?...I'm supposedly allergic to shrimp (never cared for it, so I never knew) - could she be allergic to all that top-shelf shrimp you've been feeding her? And this is just a well-meaning suggestion, but maybe...it's the cupcakes. Heaven forbid, but please, for the sake of your sweet poochie, consider it. ;) Really, I hope she gets to feeling more like herself soon (and that you can keep the rest of your life savings).
Dear Cody F. Johnston:
Thank you for your interest in our open position. Unfortunately, we are currently looking for a well-trained dog that will fetch, sit, roll-over and stay. Please be assured that we will keep your resume on file, when looking for a therapeutic dog when we have a terminal illness, because there is no dog that makes us feel as special as you.
Warmest neck snuggles,
The Thatchers
Hey Laurel,
So not that I have ever been accused of being withit in the world of technology, but I am still a little embarrassed to admit that I am just now catching on to this whole blog thing. (this is Keri obviously). Can I blame living outside the US?
We have been thoroughly enjoying your site. It gives me something to smile and laugh at after the kids are in bed.
And we may have an opening for the little Cody involving keeping a certain three year old happy. As long as she doesn't mind tail pullings, eye pokings, etc. :) Maybe that's not any better than a stick in the bum. Hope her allergy problems get better soon!
Post a Comment